Wanderlust

my love affair with the department of transportation

July 25, 2007 at 10:46 pm elinordye 3 comments

I realized that although I’ve talked about it a lot, I haven’t yet written about my love for the people who make our highways and roads, who put up signs who tell us where to go. I feel like we’re friends, like I know them – their ways of seeing the world, their hopes and fears, although they always give me slightly skeptical looks when I greet them like old friends.

Firstly there are the signs.  One thing I like about America, we let each state come up with its own road signs.  While in Wisconsin their signs say “Speed Zone Ahead” in California its “45 mph zone ahead.” I have to say, I think California wins this one – what is a speed zone, exactly?  But in the best sign contest, there is no competition for the signs in Massachusetts – when entering a town, there are often signs that say “Thickly Settled”. Um, what?  Really, we’re still settlers?  Doesn’t that seem like the most bizarre way to announce that you’re coming into a town? Then there’s the signs throughout Oregon that said: “Warning: Primitive road. No warning signs” which Elizabeth kept wanting to edit to add: “After this one”.

And then there are the rocks.  Sometimes there are fallen rocks, sometimes there are just rocks. Sometimes there is a slide area ahead and sometimes there are just rock slides. On thing you gotta give them, they like variety, those departments of transportation. My question re. fallen rocks is always, how do they know rock has fallen? Doesn’t it seem kind of counterintuitive to put up signs announcing that an event has taken place if you’re not sure it actually has?

Which reminds me of my other favorite signs, in South Dakota, which evidently mark the locations in which people have died. It’s a double sided sign – both sides have a big X above the text X marks the spot. On one side, the sign says Drive Safely – but on the other side the sign says Why Die?, which seems SO morbid to me.  I get the sentiment, but what if someone feeling vaguely suicidal sees the sign? I can just imagine them saying to themselves ‘Well, I can think of LOTS of reasons to die’ and then driving off the road, necessitating another X marks the spot sign and starting a vicious cycle.

My other obsession regarding Departments of Transportation is highway adoption. Have you ever wondered how, exactly, one goes about adopting a highway? Let me tell you, I have.  Lots.  Contrary to what I bet a lot of you are thinking right now, there is NOT a phone number written on the signs. Anywhere.  I’ve been in over 20 states, and they all have Adopt-A-Highway programs, and I haven’t seen a single sign with a number to call. There are also TOTALLY random people who adopt highways – “Nate and Emily” or “the Strausen family” in addition to the Rotary Clubs etc.  Which leads me to the following conclusions- either all these people are really civic minded and of their own volition, called up the DOT and asked to adopt a highway – or, there’s someone whose job it is to get people to adopt highway segments. Now, I asked a Caltrans worker about it today, and he claimed that it’s just a bunch of civic minded people out there. I find this really hard to believe. I feel like there must be some person in the Caltrans PR department who sends out highway adoption solicitations.

My question for you, dear readers is this: have any of YOU ever adopted a highway? If so, how did you do it? Did you have to clean it yourself, or could you just donate money for someone else to clean it? Do you get in trouble if you don’t clean it?   Help me end the highway adoption mystery! No fair googling. I want only real experiences.

The other sort of suspicious thing is that in Oregon, section of highway were adopted by the Clallam County Sheriff’s Chain Gang, which had to be a joke.

But I did find out how they make rumble strips – there is actually a rumble strip machine that has a cylindrical grinder on the bottom to grind out evenly spaced divots in the asphalt.  I want to drive a rumble strip machine.

My other big question is, who does all the writing on the road to indicate where signs should be placed, and is there a penmanship test? Do they make everyone submit handwriting samples and then pick the best in the crew? I know it’s not that easy to write with spray paint, yet all of the writing I see, (you know, where they write things like Road Work Ahead on the shoulder to indicate where the sign should go) is SO neat.  Way neater than I could ever do.

If any of you actually know anyone who works for a department of transportation who can answer my questions, you get extra special bonus points.

So to all the workers who spend extra time smoothing down those bumps, widening that shoulder, and thinking up those signs, I salute you. Thanks for keeping me entertained.

Entry filed under: Notes and Errata, On the Road. Tags: .